I always heard that the moment you give birth, you’re instantly overcome with this powerful, heart-bursting attachment. For some, that might be true—but for me, it was more of an “Uh…we just met?” kind of moment. I remember looking at my newborn and thinking, “Wait, you’re mine? Are we sure about this?” because everything felt so surreal.
And that was just the beginning of the emotional whirlwind we call the postpartum period.
The Missing Bond (At First)
Right after birth, I was in complete shock. Exhausted, sore, physically (and mentally) all over the place, I looked at my baby as if she were a tiny stranger. Babies don’t exactly smile on purpose for the first 6–8 weeks (fun fact I didn’t know beforehand), so there was no immediate feedback loop of “Yes, Mommy, I love you!” Instead, it was: “Eat, poop, cry, sleep, repeat.”
It took about a month and a half for me to feel that overwhelming love and heart-outside-your-body sensation everyone talks about. Until then, I really did think, “Am I broken? Did I miss that magical bonding gene?” But I promise, if you’re feeling that way, you’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone.
The Emotional Tsunami
During the postpartum period, my body seemed to have a secret cry alarm that would go off randomly—no warning, no specific reason. I’d get hot, tingly, and then suddenly tears would pour out. One time, I was in the backseat of the car while my husband drove. He glanced in the mirror and asked if I was okay, and I just blurted out, “I’m about to cry. Like, hysterically.” And then I did. His response was, “Was it something I said?” It really wasn’t. It was just a wave of hormones crashing over me.
Even though I went to therapy weekly and didn’t think I had “official” postpartum depression, looking back, I see how postpartum mood swings and baby blues can manifest differently for everyone. Sometimes it’s giant sob sessions; other times it’s numbness or that disconnect between “mom” and “baby.” No single experience looks the same.
Identity Crisis: Snip, Snip, Goodbye Hair
Around three weeks in, I took a shower (a huge accomplishment by itself at that point) and felt my long, thick hair dripping down my back. Normally I hate that feeling, but on this day it was next-level. I impulsively booked a hair appointment and had it chopped to my shoulders. Cue instant regret.
Was it a disaster? At the time, yes. But in retrospect, maybe it was a needed reset. Hormones and lack of sleep can push you to make big decisions you might not otherwise make. Did I mourn my glorious pregnancy hair? Absolutely. But that impulsive haircut also symbolized just how much I was changing—body, mind, identity—and that it’s okay to feel all the feels during this time.
Figuring Out “Help” (Hint: It’s Not Always About the Baby)
My husband kept telling me, “Ask for help!” and I’d get frustrated because I felt totally capable of feeding, changing, and taking care of our baby. The help I truly needed was with housework, chores, and all the life stuff piling up in the background. Dishes in the sink felt like an impossible mountain; laundry became an epic quest I never seemed to finish. Even taking a shower required a mental pep talk.
It took a while to realize that postpartum help isn’t always about babysitting. It’s about giving the new mom a chance to step away from survival mode—whether that’s doing the grocery run, vacuuming the living room, or simply asking, “Have you eaten today?”
Boundaries and Visitors: It’s Okay to Say No
My baby was born in winter, so I worried about germs, visitors, and constant traffic in and out of my home. I also chose to delay vaccinations, which made me extra cautious. While I had supportive family and friends, part of me wanted to figure out motherhood alone for a bit. I needed to test my limits. But I also had a hard time voicing my boundaries when people showed up unannounced or wanted to snuggle my newborn.
In hindsight, saying no is completely valid. You can hide in a bubble as long as you need. If you feel uncomfortable, that’s your gut telling you something. Trust it. If you don’t have the words to express it, lean on a friend, partner, or therapist to help you find them. Your peace of mind and your baby’s well-being are top priority.
Body Changes: The Long (and Winding) Road Back to Me
After giving birth, I remember looking at my postpartum body and thinking, “Will I ever fit into my jeans again?” But breastfeeding, gradual exercise, and a little grace went a long way. I won’t say I worked out every day—far from it. But carrying a baby around and running up and down the stairs a million times counts for something, right?
I also invested in new clothes that made me feel good, rather than mourning the old clothes that no longer fit. It’s amazing how much a few well-fitting outfits can boost your confidence. My husband’s constant reminders (“You had a baby! You look amazing!”) helped me see my body not as a “problem” but as a life-giving superhero that deserved some celebration.
Finding a Support System (or “Tribe”)
Talking to a therapist weekly was a game-changer. I also joined a moms’ support group, which was terrifying at first because I had to get out of the house (with a newborn!) at a semi-reasonable time. But once I arrived and heard other moms’ stories, I realized so many of us struggle with the same doubts, fears, and random crying jags. It felt good to be reminded I wasn’t alone.
If you can’t find an in-person group, try an online community or a phone call with a mom friend. Just hearing, “Oh my gosh, me too!” can be the validation you need.
Communicating With Your Partner (or Close Friends/Family)
It took me almost a year to finally tell my husband what I actually needed from him: to take care of me. I could handle the baby stuff (most days), but I needed him to remind me to eat, to fill my water bottle, to offer me a break or just say, “You’re doing a good job. Take 15 minutes for yourself.” Because if I’m not caring for myself, I can’t be the best version of me for him or our child. It’s that simple—and that complicated.
You’re Not a “Bad Mom”
If you didn’t feel an instant bond, if you cut all your hair off on a whim, or if you sobbed uncontrollably while your partner stared at you like you’d grown three heads—guess what? You’re not alone. It’s unbelievably common to struggle with postpartum emotions, big and small. There’s no textbook blueprint for how you’re supposed to feel, so let yourself feel it all.
Quick Tips & Takeaways
- Speak Up: If you sense something is off—whether it’s depression, anxiety, or you just need more help—talk to someone.
- Embrace the Emotional Waves: Yes, you’ll cry sometimes for no reason. It’s okay.
- Set Boundaries: Your baby, your home, your rules.
- Let Others Help: Sometimes “help” means folding laundry or making dinner, not necessarily babysitting.
- Remember You Matter: You just grew and birthed a human, so treat yourself with kindness.
Share Your Story (or Ask a Question!)
I’d love to hear from other moms about how you navigated postpartum emotions. Did you feel an instant bond, or did it take a while? Did you have a haircut meltdown or a moment of “Who even am I?” Let’s talk about it! Drop a comment or question below—no judgment, just solidarity and support.
Remember, postpartum is a season—an intense, emotional, life-altering season, but a season nonetheless. It won’t last forever, and neither will the messy moments that come with it. But you will come out stronger, with a new sense of self and a sweet little human who finally smiles back at you when you tickle their toes. And, honestly, that’s worth every tearful, hair-chopping, body-aching moment in between.
Latch, Laugh, and Repeat 